First really bad cancer joke.

Gallows humor is the way we cope, okay it’s the way I cope. I honestly don’t know if I am actually dealing with anything until I make that first really horrible joke. The one that as soon as it’s made it’s way past what little filter I have in play and out of my mouth makes me cringe even as I’m making it. I did it for my Aunt and Uncles death, I did it for 9-11, and I still haven’t managed to do it about my last dogs death.

I just did it the other day for life’s latest curve ball and I can’t tell you if that’s a good thing.


My mom has cancer. Lung canner. The cancer with the highest mortality rate, the one that’s notoriously difficult to treat, that one. I just found out less than a week ago, five days ago to be precise. She went into the hospital for something else that turned out to be very little in and of it’s self, but while she was there they found this. The big C of the L.

I’ve had a lot of reactions, Kubler Ross-ing my ass all over the board, though mostly I keep swinging my ass back to anger. People are pissing me off, mostly because my mom and her pack a day habit that may just have killed her is pissing me off, but I can’t yell and scream at the person with cancer, it’s bad form. So I’m angry with everyone and everything else around me. And since I work retail, there’s a lot to be angry at. Assholes abound, especially during the holidays, and I really count it as one in the win column every day I make it to the end of without screaming or taking a swing at someone. So far so good, though I still have to make it though Black Friday, so keep your fingers crossed. Anyway between the rage and the numb I haven’t really had time to process the new parameters of my reality. I mean it’s going to change a lot, maybe even everything, even if she makes it though this like she owned the breast cancer years before life’s about to go all sorts pear shaped. I was kinda worried that I’d not be able to do what has to be done, for her and for me, to get us through this.

Then I made my first really bad cancer joke. I mean it was bad, just horrible. Not only in poor taste but not that funny even, but the instant I said it I felt better. Like suddenly it all snapped into place and I knew I got this, that what ever comes it’s doable.

So yeah, first really bad cancer joke, honestly probably the first of many. Not the first I wanted for this blog post but it’s the one you’re getting. I guess firsts are not always going to be some awesome amazing adventure or new cats, sometimes it’s going to be something that is only a first because thus far you’ve been lucky enough to dodge the bullet up until it becomes one. Lets hope the rest of mine are better than this one.

No Filter Ever (factory defective since 1972)

- The joke was about me being able to take mom in a fight now that she has no wind. Yeah I know, lame and tasteless and yet still better to me than any soppy affirmations any day of the week.